Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
