His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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