i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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