Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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