One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
two words: eviction party
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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