I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
