Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
