Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
