puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
