it wasn't lemon gatorade
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
