Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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