If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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