I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
