If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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