I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize