remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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