someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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