Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
