One girl and one boy is just not enough.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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