last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dear god my vagina.
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