Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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