Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
