dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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