I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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