They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
