If i come over, it means nothing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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