That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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