I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
