Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
