you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
