I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
