I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
