I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize