On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
