I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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