finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
