i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
