All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
false alarm, still single
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
