I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
