There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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