Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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