I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
