VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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