Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
