VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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