Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
