I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
