No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
