Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize