The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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