i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
