When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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