Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
