my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
