party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You may now shotgun with the bride
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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