I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
