she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think my cat just said my name.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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