you guys were way drunker than both of me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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