Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
