I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
