am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
