So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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