what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
