i just had sex bonerless
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
