I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
